I've spent the last few weeks pondering many things, and I'll admit- worrying about some of them. In so many ways and through so many people I heard God tell me to stop worrying, stop trying to control everything- just let Him deal with it...hands free. But I couldn't quiet my own thoughts for long...so my busy mind led me around in circles a number of times.
Today I set aside all morning and early afternoon to really pour my heart out, and listen to God instead of my noisy noisy thoughts. It's not often I am so very intentional about my time with God. I rarely take the chance to spend a whole morning to really let it all out and then listen to God's responses, feel Him move, and allow myself to be renewed. I tend to find all the important things I have to do...being dragged around by my need to achieve or perhaps if I'm honest, my chance to waylay having to hash out things with God- or myself. Looking at it now I have to wonder why I choose to be dragged around by desires (working to fill the emptiness), rather than being led calmly by God (living out of fullness).
By this afternoon everything inside me felt calmer than they have in months. As I watched my son play in the sprinkler in the quiet, hot, late afternoon haze of Virginia summer I walked barefoot through the wet grass next to the pond Vander created under the tire swing...big restful sighs...finally allowing myself to be led beside still waters.
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